i’d like to move it, move it!

i just moved out…

here.

this is my life now…

Living on a little lies the art of living on nothing

Maybe (just maybe) Marguerite was right; perhaps I should learn to show delight on the simple things I have in order for me to accept the harsh reality of my situation right now…Of the situation that I am sharing with the ones I love.

I came unprepared for this; that’s why when it starts hitting me one by one, I just didn’t know how to react. Should I cry? Feel miserable mayhap? Or try to accept every painful hit and the try to get over them one after the other?

It hurst to think about what to do next when one problem gets on top of the other. Especially when the pile is much higher than me. And when it gets higher instead of leveling down, that’s what hurst most: The fact that no matter how hard I try, the solution seems so farfetched. It’s like running after that elusive dream. Instead of finding the right solution, I just seem to be adding more to my problem. And that sucks worse than losing a tooth to a cavity.

oh no!

Who Documents Who?

We often get to read a lot of reviews everyday, may it be a book review, a movie review, or even online casino reviews. But what does a review really do to the product being reviewed? A review is an evaluation of a specific product (e.g., book, movie, promotions, etc). It may contain a critical statement and a rating for the customers or buyers to know its relative merit. Usually, the product in review is the one in current news or is the “it” thing among people. But who is entitled to do such a documentation? I suppose an expert on the subject has the “right” to do a democratic judgment of the subject to be reviewed. It adds credibility to the review and makes the buyers/patron more likely to believe the content of the review. This may include professionals or even amateurs who regularly put their judgments and interpretations in publications, most commonly in periodicals.

Whoever documents who are numerous in certain fields. Their criticism may be constructive or destructive. But I do believe that “To be a critic is to trade transcendence in for self-awareness and proficiency—which is not to say that geniuses don’t know what they’re doing…genius involves a sort of freefall, brave, bold and fluent, that most of us aren’t capable of.”

What Happens When Vegas Goes Online?

Vegas is one of the hottest, if not the glamorous, places on earth, with its lights and glitter attracting almost everyone who ever laid eyes upon it. But what happens when Internet Casino starts to invade the online scene? Hmmm…I bet that would be the next best thing to taking a hitch down Vegas! First, its cheaper because all you have to do is own a PC, have an Internet connection, and be a credit card holder! Isn’t it much better than getting a ticket and flying all the way to Nevada to play the Royal Roulette or a chance to hit Jackpot at the Slot Machine?

I have always wondered how it’s like to win in a casino. Maybe it feels so good that you’d want to try it all over again after finishing a winning round. Maybe. I don’t know for sure because I really haven’t tried it. But given the chance? Who knows? I may even hit the Jackpot myself! That’s a nice thought to ponder as I get home from work, all tired and worn to the limit. Sigh!

Buhay Scout: May Future ka!

no not that one please…

i am writing this as i still feel the goosebumps all over my body…

i was doing some inventory of our Department’s documents when i thought i better check what my groupmates were doing in the field. that was 21:30.

i went to the locker room to get my hard hat, bandana, cotton gloves, and goggles. then i went out after i wore them. the process area was deserted. my two groupmates were fast asleep atop a jumbo bag over at the surge tank area. other than these two folks, the whole process area was empty of awake people. i don’t know where else the rest of the group are. i sat a few minutes on top of another jumbo bag a few meters away from the sleeping girls. a few minutes more then i headed back to the control room to continue what i was doing. i was walking along the silo area, just a few blocks from the control room, when i suddenly felt gossebumps start to rise all over my body…and that creepy feeling of being followed…oh i hate that feeling!! so much! i took a glance behind me…there was no one! still that creepy feeling won’t leave me…that’s when i hurried into the control room and straight here at my desk to document everything!

i’m still scared…ghosts lurk the whole plant they say. i do am lucky i never saw one while i was walking back..but the creepy feeling hasn’t left me…not yet…i do hope it’s already 23:30…so that i’ll be heading back home…back where there are no ghosts to scare me…oh man! time moves so slowly down here…darn!

Two yayas gone in a row!

when we decided to leave my in laws house for an apartment we are currently renting at the town proper of Batangas City, we got Athan’s cousin from Paranaque to babysit the two girls. She was on her third month with us when she asked for a vacation because it was her birthday on Aug 18. So we let her go for a 3-day vacation in Paranaque with her family. On the 3rd day of her vacation,she sent a text message asking us to send Php 500 for her fare because she already spent most of her money for her siblings’ medications and she badly wanted to come back because she was much better off living with us (regarding food and work load). So we sent her the money and she was back the next day. She came back sick. And we just let her rest for almost a week; with us mostly minding the kids when we’re at home. then last last sunday, the hubby and I went out for an errand so she was left with the kids. much to our surprise (and to my anger), her things were already packed and she was just waiting for us because she was like so excited to leave! she waited because she didn’t have money for fare! what angered me was that she didn’t even gave us enough time to find a replacement. she said she was afraid to tell us. US! for goodness sake! we treated her no different from us. even took care of her during her sickness (which means she was never really able to do her job when she came back). and this is how she repaid us! INGRATA! so it ended up with her leaving anyway because we never want to make her stay against her will lest she do something to the kids. i was wondering why she was in a hurry to leave that night. and as i was holding Jet Li and wondering, I felt a bump on my baby’s head. it wasn’t there when we left Sunday morning. so i came to understand that maybe she caused that bump on poor Jet Li’s head and she was afraid we’ll discover and ask her about it. so there! we were so lugi because we gave her money that she wasn’t able to work for, plus we have to pay her debt from Athan’s cousin who sells Natasha, and then Jet Li had a bump for a bonus! nice one Tita Tina! I just hope she realizes the hassle that she caused us. I really hope she feels my anger and if ever i see her in any reunion that Athan’s family holds during the holidays, I swear i would wring her neck! so help me Batman! AMP!

Then we got another yaya last Sunday.  This one also came from Athan’s family, but this time from his father’s side. So the girl is also from Batangas, which is good in case she feels bored, she can go to her house to un-bore herself. But i guess we are just so unlucky with yayas because yesterday I was downtown when she texted me to hurry home because there was a MUMU at the CR. Goodness! the place we’re renting is new and my brother (who “feels” things) assured me there’s no GHOSTs lurking in the house. She was locked in the CR and she was so nervous she thinks she can’t last another day. so there! another failure with a scary yaya.

now this calls for desperate moves! i contacted my brother (who is so busy with his UYAYI band) if he can babysit his nieces. He said he will next week after he finishes his band’s gigs. whew! what a relief. Athan’s brother also volunteered to take care of the kids. So now, we have 2 yayos instead! i hope these two guys will last…i never want to scout the entire universe for a babysitter! i mean it doesn’t have to take that much, right?

conversations with confucius (scout style)

i think i am one of the luckiest creature to be speaking with a philosopher in making: my eldest Scout. The conversations go like this:

Scout: Punta tayo E-em (her version of SM).

Mama (just looks at her and nods)

Scout: (assures herself) Butas. Butas tayo E-em. Di pwede kasi ulan. Sarado na E-em. (even if the weather is super fine and it’s just 2 pm)

Mama: Kain ka na.

Scout: Buchog ako.

Mama: Ano kinain mo?

Scout: Fish saka sabaw. (even if it’s 7 am and we haven’t any fish and sabaw around the house)

Mama: Pulutin mo na yang mga toys mo.

Scout: Ayaw. Buchog a kamay ko. Di aya.

Scout: (counting her fingers) wan, chu, chri, poy, payb, chix, cheben, nine, ten, leben. yan! dami!

Scout: Gusto mo papa?

Jet Li (just stares at her with her big eyes)

Scout: Mama, kain daw bebe gel.

Mama: Ok. Wait lang.

Scout: Bebe gel, butas. Butas ka kain. Ok?

Scout loves Lactum 1+. But due to scarcity of the milk one time, because they were reformatting the label, we brought her another brand. One time, she asked for her Tatum (aka Lactum 1+), and she saw we got milk from a different can.

Mama: Eto na Tatum mo.

Scout: Ayaw. Suka ako nyan. Gusto ko Tatum!

Mama (kamot ulo)

Random Notes About Me…

My name is Maria Luisa Jalandoni Conti. I was born in the Year of the Rooster. I am a Piscean. Does my horoscope match my personality? I think so. Yes, in a way, it does. I am very sentimental; I love old movies and old songs. I enjoy reading books during rainy days. I just hope that with the schedule I keep everyday (which includes working, mothering, freelancing, wife-ing, and everything else in between), I could still squeeze in a book to read at night just before I hit the bed.

I love the company I keep with myself. Does that make me antisocial? Maybe. But I do have friends. Really. Although I no longer keep the kind of friendship that I used to have during my single days. There is only one friend that I get to see and chat with (be it virtually or personally) often. I suppose that statistics is no longer important when it comes to friendship, especially at my age. The more the merrier they say. But I say, as long as one is enough to keep my sanity and belief in the Goodness of Life intact, then I’d be fine. No more, no less.

Then there are the kids and the husband. They just complete my whole being. Can you just imagine the longing that I feel for them each day that I leave the house for work? Oh, it’s just unbearable sometimes. But even feelings like this shouldn’t be shown; would not be good to show if it will affect my career. This is just something that I wouldn’t want to talk about: end of the story.

I’m not really sure why I am writing this. I guess I just felt the need to put some of my emotions in writing. Random thoughts cal for random writings. And randomness amidst order is a good ice breaker. I do appreciate one when I encounter it. Thanks. Maybe more next time. Right now, I am putting this off. With the ice broken, I just have to get back to what I was doing before this. Darn!

Break me in, Bravo style!

i used to not like riding motorbikes…actually i’m scared…of what? i don’t know…of falling from my seat I guess…but since we bought Bravo, my point of view changed. i now loved every minute that i ride behind wheatus’ back! And the little person in the being of Scout loves riding on Bravo too!

Just at the middle of July, we took Bravo for a long stroll…we chose tagaytay as our destination. Bravo needs a break-in…that’s the term. i don’t really know what it means. it’s just that the wheatus told me Bravo needs to exceed the 1000 mileage. so one july sunday morning (6:15 am), we were off the road to tagaytay. it was a cold but pretty nice morning, so it was perfect for the stroll. we made our first stop at Taal Proper…we visited a church there. i didn’t have a camera with me so no pictures (oh crap!) to show you guys…he he he…then we made a coffee break at a 7-11 store just before the boundary of Taal meets the town of Lemery. That was just a 1-hour ride. Bravo is doing good and so are we. Then the next stop is Fantasy World then Canyon Woods. It was already 9:30 am when we reached Tagaytay. We were stopped by the checkpoint guys but i suppose they got scared by the Jalandoni in my ID so they let us off…i thought we were stopping at Tagaytay…but wheatus said he wanted to go to SM…so where do we go next? To SM Dasmarinas of course! ha ha ha…we’re a couple of SM addicts i suppose! so by 10:15 we were at SM…and guess what? we only have 300 Php in our pockets! ha ha ha! talk about a risky trip! my remittance came a little late that day so we had to stay at SM until after lunch. then by 4 pm we were off the road back to Batangas…

On our way to Canyon Woods, it rained pretty hard! and of course we were soaking wet…then the sun came and we were dry again…he he he…

it was already 6:00pm when we arrived at Batangas City…

That road trip was unforgettable…

Next destination will be Bicol this August 25! i just can’t wait! whoah!

jet li is here!

check out some of jet li’s picture here: http://penhurst.multiply.com/journal/item/19/oh_Francesca

finger-licking good!

i’ve posted this on my other blog…and i think it’s worth posting it here too…

he he he…

this wheatus loves FOOD above all things!

yes, may pinagmanahan sya!

Jet Li is a GIRL!

yep! you read that right! we went to the OB for a check up last Thhursday, and finally, this little wheatus inside me popped the magical answer to our question: she’s a SHE!!! all this time, Atan was convinced Jet Li will be a boy…so much for his high high hopes! he he he…so after that, we went straight to the mall and bought more pink stuffs to add to Scout’s hand me downs…he he he…

and now the name…tsk tsk…how did i come up with Ysabelle for Scout? now what would suit Jet Li’s name?

he he he….i guess that’s for another posting.

right now, we’re just glad that even if Jet Li happens to be another gel, she is doing A-okay and might weigh as much as Scout did when she finally makes her first "UHA!!!".

- none -

i can’t think of a title for this comeback entry here at i.ph…so i just put  - none -

kinda miss updating this old whatzat…been hanging around lately with the other site. but since i received a newsletter that i.ph is getting much much better this year, well i better make some fixings to this old site…

he he he…maybe i can pimp this site…hopefully.

i am on my 38th week of pregnancy! yes, just 2 more weeks and Jet Li will see the world…i just hope it won’t scare the shit out of the new baby! ha ha ha! this one is more shy than the first wheatus…doesn’t want to show the gender….always letting the rear do the talking…we can’t see through the ultrasound and i’m almost due! sheesh! he he he…well, i guess we’ll be surprised and Jet Li will be equally surprised if he turns out to be a boy and all we have are pink stuffs for him…hardeharhar!

so there…

i am back!

and it’s even nicer to be back!

bow!

I was a copyeditor…a post script

It took me a long time to write something like this…maybe because I really haven’t the luxury of time anymore. With one Scout and a Jet Li on the way, with the plant and its equipment to be friends with (duh!), with an equally weird husband such as I, with a house to take care of (which I really seldom pay attention to), with the laundry (as if!!!), with the cooking (as if!!!²), with all the budget making (what?!), I really have two of my hands full to their limit! As a day worker in a petrochemical plant, I get to wake up 5:30 am, leave the house before the 7 am call time, and get home by 6 pm. Not much left to do when I get to the house really — just a little playtime with Scout, performing the remaining duties of a MOM and a WIFE (i.e., feeding the baby, dressing her up for sleep time, lulling her to sleep, and for the hubby, you know that already!). I never thought being a family person could be this — what’s the word? — hectic! I feel like a star whose schedule no longer fits personal life anymore. Sheesh! But don’t get me wrong: I am not complaining. Really — I am just magnifying my agony…he he he…

Anyways, back to the title of this whatzat…I was rummaging through my personal garbage, as Scout is scouting the house of the Mother in Law, when I came across pictures of us in the SPi jailhouse — happy as prisoners of its rules that we no longer really give a damn to follow. We were happy…happiness reflected by the big smiles we have on our faces (and the victory signs). And then I opened an envelop among the mess on our bed, and I found that memorable MEMO I was given by my friendly friends on my last birthday at SPi…really brought out one tear (he he he…I’m pretty thrifty on tears these days) of joy! I’m becoming sentimental here. So I thought maybe it’s about time I return the favor by writing something to remember every little thing that made my stay at SPi worth the stress it also brought me.

I started as a CED trainee who knows not a single thing about the word COPYEDITING. I am a chemical engineer so please forgive me. That was in 2004. We started as a batch whose backgrounds are far from resembling each other’s; however, we managed to fit together because our attitudes somehow found a tangent point to connect our lines of imaginations with. Weird! Anyhow, that batch was reduced to four “lucky” people who passed the 99.99% rating, and we were welcomed to the elite group of CED people. I started with the ES group. Then was transferred to the San Diego group, until I found my home in the AACR Group of Companies — a group originally composed of The Ning, Mam Ge, T2rad, Me, and our mother Lzl. We were later joined by two equally weird weirdos Kaye and Mhike. And with Lzl taking her final bow with the group, we were joined by Ina Magenta Mr. Allan Palileo. Life at SPi couldn’t be any happier if I weren’t friends with my kumares and kumpares: Mo’om Jane, Grace, and Abel (later, Rico was introduced to the group courtesy of Mo’om Jane). They made me look forward to the 6 am schedule we kept so religiously among ourselves (of course much to the wonders of our fellow copyeditors whose times start around noon time). The morning gels spend a lot of happy, weird, even death-defying times inside Grace’s ever reliable KIKI! At the office, the morning won’t be complete without the morning breakfast where we get to do the morning ritual of CHIKA sharing (of course, a day not started the right way won’t be a good day after all)! Then work time comes (of course in between, there’s the visitation by Mo’om Jane to exchange more CHIKA)…being introduced to the not-so-flexi schedule, I resorted to keeping my daily 6 am to 2 pm schedule; in case an overtime is needed, I won’t have to last longer than 4 pm in the office.

Life could have stayed that way for, like, forever if it weren’t for some (corporate) “changes” that changed my outlook in life (deep eh?) and work. Everything became near-routine-like, it burned me out (literally). I dreaded mornings…it took me more than strength to muster getting out of the house and working for 8 hours (and more) inside a place that used to be happy for me (and for everyone else, I suppose). That got me to thinking maybe I should be pursuing my real profession instead. I need a breather…a way for me to get myself out of this “feeling” that’s creeping on me (I can’t explain the feeling…maybe that’s for another entry). That pushed me to retire in the land far far away of Batangas to practice what has been 3 years of wasted PRC-licensed engineering chuva! Did the whole, abrupt decision bring me what I was looking for? I’m reserving that for another musing…

What I was trying to say in this now long whatzat is that I used to be a happy copyeditor. Life as a copyeditor was made happier by friends who were there for me no matter what, who accepted me for the weirdo that I am, who showed me that I never really have to be serious to be happy and respected, that life is sweet despite the harsh reality that’s been going on around us. I was a copyeditor, and I am glad I was because I wouldn’t be a third of what I am right now if I weren’t one. I have to close for now. There are so many things to write about…so much that time is really a luxury.

…i will take a rest.

i am taking a rest from blogging… for a while.

yes. i felt i must, and why i must is something i have no answer to. the feeling just crept in. and there.

i am taking a rest.

to my few readers, see you when hibernation is over!

we are reaching the end of the road: an ode to my friends

Dear O and C,

I don't know how to start really…so whatever is written here reflects my feelings toward this friendship that we have and that is, at the same time, slowly falling apart. why i said the latter is because i am starting to feel the symptoms of a failed friendship. whatever caused the failure is, i guess, not under my range of intellectual understanding. i have come to accept it though. that sometimes, things won't really work out for you no matter how hard you try to make ends meet. i have always thought that we have something precious…by precious i meant something that we will always treasure…for as long as we are living. i no longer give a damn about forever…i just want the friendship as long as i breathe the same air that you guys breathe. that simple. and no matter how simple it is, there are just ways of complicating it further.

i am under the weather right now; hence, i have the luxury to write you something i always have hidden here in my heart. it's a nagging thought really. the way it bugs me is just so unnerving. i mean how can a friendship built almost 8 years ago bother me? it does when things are no longer what they used to be. when things do change inasmuch as the people involve change. it's difficult for someone like me understand. naive? not much…but almost. i try not to make things complicated so that i can still go on thinking that my friends are just busy and not unkind. that we are living different sets of lives now that fitting each other in one's schedule is just too impossible. is that wishful thinking? even up to now i try to deny myself of the fact that we are reaching the end of the road. that from there, we have to take different paths. that parting means we no longer need each other's nagging presence.

it's pretty hard to swallow. especially for my kind. i have always put friendship on my priority list. i will do anything for a friend. and that is not just an understatement. but i guess i don't get rewards for that. that even if i try hard to keep something going for the sake of 8 years, my efforts are just not enough to hold you guys back. it pains me. so much that a tear is close to falling as i write this.

all the 8 years for nothing. all the efforts for nothing because we are afraid that holding on to this friendship will make us realize that LIFE IS NOT SWEET. that living through with this set of friends makes us vulnerable to the possible eviction from the norms of the society. that it is hard to be friends with those whose lives are not perfect because their lives reflect ours. a mirror image. and most of the time, we hate what we see in the mirror.

i hope i have said enough. enough to let out the burden of heavy thoughts.

we are through with togetherness. we are now going towards solitaire.

as for me being ahead in life (re: having my own family), i never meant to offend anyone with my choices. i never meant to make you guys realize that you are still single. being single is a choice, inasmuch as my being married; a good choice if you will just see around the circle and not over it. if ever i do owe you guys an apology, I am SORRY. i am sorry that my choices have somehow shattered something in our friendship that cannot be put back together. i am sorry for being so trusting with my friends. i am sorry for being true. i should have never felt pain because this friendship is supposed to make us feel, somehow, secure. but i was wrong, and i am sorry for that.

anyways, i will end here. and with this, i end all my concerns with you. i want to end this now because i never want us to come to the point that we will be bitter about having each other in our lives.

thanks for the 8 years. and thanks for being there before. i wish you all the great things that this friendship failed to give you.

Best regards,

Jogs.

i guess it was said so…

who would've thought i'd come up with someone like Scout? certainly not the bees on the trees…now, i don't know really…i was just guessing…hay. kinda makes it harder to create this post with the kiddo on my lap and trying to "help" me type (it's no longer me with the laptop, but me with the lap-Scout). she's a very helpful little girl you know (pakialamera for short; pero we prefer to call it that way: scout likes to help…yelp!).

Since I preferred bum-ness with work-ness, i assumed full custody of the little rascal…yes, i am a full-time mom now…at least until the schooling at Gokongwei Brother's Foundation (GBF) starts. oh, and speaking of GBF, i took their battery exams just last Tuesday, all six types of technical and process questions (now the Scout is pushing the chairtop away from my extended arms): mathematics, metrology, technical drawing, technical process, materials and operations, and expository writing. i was like a loser when it came to technical process and technical drawing…i didn't know a thing about the terminologies in technical drawing (Salamat sa hindi paglelecture Jong) and anything about tools (for goodness sake, i am a chemical engineer and not a carpenter or welder). anyways, i guess i still have my brain functioning pretty well  'cause i am about to be oriented with plant operations this coming Tuesday?! he he he…

okay, so back with Scouting…it is very tiring! triple whohoos! imagine just me and her under the roof. she of the koala type…always clinging to dear me! even if i get us a yaya, i doubt if the yaya will be of any help since she only clings with me…if ever i stand up, she yells and cries. so i just sit beside her…play…make funny faces to make her laugh…watch TV…make her dance…and when she sleeps, i get to do the mommy tasks: cleaning her bottles, washing her clothes, and boiling water for her milk. exciting eh? now i know what it's like to be a mom! as in! i guess i have paid my mom her dues…he he he…

she loves SM and tweety bird. i mean she can say tweety ever so clearly…when we get home from malling, tweety bird is the first one she hugs…and the last one she kisses before she sleeps at night.

i will continue with more of Scouting tales…right now she's forcing me to carry her and fix her a bottle of milk…she's pushing the chairtop farther now…

…

15 weirds about me (tagged me)!

since this is my homecoming entry after being away from blogging for a while, I am giving in to Zarine's invitation…here are 15  weird things about me:

1. i will cry if a cockroach ever touches me…not that they can touch really…but in case they do, i will really shed a lot of those salty stuffs.
2. i cry everytime i hear "Ugoy ng Duyan" (is that the title?)…it never fails to make me cry for reasons i don't even know myself.
3. i hate it (really) when my bedsheet gets crinkled…i guess i owe that to being obsessive compulsive…i can start a fight with Athan when he moves too much and the sheet gets crinkled…but, of course, all of that happens after you know what…
4. i eat fish when it no longer looks like a fish.
5. i like to rub my feet on rough surfaces.
6. back to roaches, i get paranoid just at the sight of them. even if they won't do anything, i get the creeps.
7. i snore big time.
8. i don't mix different food on my plate. so when it comes to eat all you cans, i'm a big loser.
9. coffee has a milk effect on me. i get more sleepy at night when i drink coffee.
10.   i love the smell of acetone and other aromatics.
11.  i don't like the taste of milk.
12.  i can't walk straight. whenever i'm walking, i tend to walk towards the direction of the wall.
13.  i find it hard to remember which is left and right.
14.  i sleep like a log.
15.  i can't sleep without a pillow between my legs.

so there they are: the 15 weird things about me.

shall i pass this one on? he he he…