A licensed idiot

i wanted to be a writer…a poet…a photographer…an artist. i was thinking about those things before i entered Pisay.

i never wanted to take up engineering…worse, chemical engineering! that was far from my imagination. Yet, here i am, a licensed chemical engineer for 3 years now…a walking idiot at that! ha ha ha! i have a license that i don't know where to use aside from identification purposes. why i am writing about this now is because it is about to expire on February 2007. Yes, i am born a Piscean…(now that's a different topic)

anyways, must i or must i not renew my license? if i do, which i am really contemplating on, then must i finally put everything (if there is any) i have worked hard for in college into practice? thus the big ? lingers…

all of this is an accident. at least that's what i've always thought. chemical engineering (or any engineering course for that matter) was NEVER in my choice of courses when i took up the UPCAT. so you can just imagine the look on my face when my friend told me i passed the UPCAT and is enlisted in an engineering course…i said, "Huh?!" that was my initial reaction. I don't know how that happened. being an idiot that i am, i never questioned UP for that basically because i was overwhelmed by the thought of getting in! i passed the test, that's what mattered! when i am finally into the whole thing, that's when i realized my mistake. i dread every subject, every theory, everything. if i did suck in any of my subjects in high school, that's CHEMISTRY! so what the hell am i doing in this course?!!! i got into trouble with my laboratory instructor on my first week in my first chemistry class. how's that for a start? hmmm…very bad omen! ha ha ha! Avi Car (as we fondly call her), i wonder where she is now, cursed the hell out of us 4 Pisay grads…hehehe…never knew why her blood's so hot with our likes. hmmm…told us we'll experience KARMA for being disrespectful…oh man! that was the farthest thing on my mind…i am just a budding freshman with a curse on my back!

anyways, i struggled my way out of UP. i did get out IN TIME (whew! that was hard). reviewed with my classmates in Morayta. took the 3-day board exam. almost lost hope of passing. and finally, i am a full-pledged Chemical Engineer. took my oath with other board passers at the Manila Hotel. and after? what after? ventured into copyediting. makes sense huh?

i find it funny…really. people in our office find it hard (i guess that's what i think) to swallow that one fact about me. hehehehe…who would imagine me, if you have been with me for a while, a licensed geek?

oh well, must i or must i not? this license means so much to my Dad. he's the sole reason i finished the course and studied real hard to pass the darn board exam. for my Dad. he's so damn proud of his daughter, the Engineer. i am not so really…hehehe…

i guess i'll make plans when New Year is over. whatever happens, i'll still be a licensed idiot…the idiot for all times!

who cares? not even the carebears care!

…sisinghot lang uli ako.

I used to think that Peter Pan will come for me…Proof is that I always kept our bedroom windows open. But after so many years of waiting, no Peter Pan came. I have come (now) to realize that there are some things that I better keep (hidden) in the rich world of my imagination. Like my Mom used to tell me, I shouldn't dream too much…wait let me rephrase that, I shouldn't fantasize too much.

But is it really too much? I am ignorant in measuring the extent of this REALITY. It sucks to even think that there are limits to what we must do, when the world beyond what we have here is Limitless. How cruel can it get to be talked out of your fantasy? Very. When doing so doesn't hurt anyone, it hurts to be told that you better keep yourself in the realms of this world. This world where no Peter Pans and Mermaids ever exist. Darn! I won't let that happen to my only child. As a mother, I'd keep her open to a lot of things. I wouldn't want her confined to what the norms want. She can dream all she wants. Her soul be free of things that will make her confuse. And, be able to appreciate the things that only a child can. That doesn't mean I will let her make a weirdo out of herself. I will just show her that a little imagination won't hurt. That it is fine to let go of the pressures of this world for even a short time and live in her secret place. Her solace. Her sanctuary. She can be a normal person afterwards. Play with the games of this world. Be a real player. Lose sometimes, but never lose hope of recovery.  Achieve. And dream. There's always that nagging sense to dream. I am a dreamer. I want her to be too. If that won't mess her life. She must have a choice. I won't bug her into trying things out my way. I've been through that under my Mother's wings. It's enough. She won't have to go through that.

Oh well, I am supposed to finish something.

I better hit the screen.

Till next time.