type ko to…

imbue

whack

miner

vogue

nexus

jisms

hunch

…you need them to secure your comments. I am still in the process of finding the entire list of required words  to be typed before your comment is sent.

addendum!!

intro

skunk

anti-SPAM pala sila…hmmm…ang slow ko. weno, eto pa:

robin

smirk

xylon

rhein

the end

There are chickens in the tree

There are chickens in the tree

Won't you listen to me, please?

A Sesame Street song

the joga that was…

i was browsing through old photos, and i just thought i'd share them here…

…kasama ng hari ang mga aliping sagigilid nya!

…ang morning girls!

Pido and the artstart!

ang pork chop duo (slim edition)…get get awww!

ganyan pag busy tapos invisible…i am wearing my invisibility shades while working…i'm just a lurker in their world!

hindi rin naman ako masyadong masaya jan ano?

i used to claim that i really look good in this shot…thanks liezl!

nguso…nguso!

nguso pa! eto ang uso e!

eto ultimate! whooh!!! my last attempt to take the ride of womanhood! i wore a skirt!!! he he he…circa 2004!

…so there! that was me…before.

cure me!

and so it goes…

It's Friday,

I

'm

in LOvE!!!

so much for all the dramas of this week…Friday has come! Lo and behold, Saturday!!! he he he…

wala lang…feel ko lang ifeel yung pagdating ng Saturday as if wala akong work tomorrow.

hay…

di bale

It's Friday

I'm

i

n

LO

Ve

!

…

yesterday,

i

turned

26.

good day gone bad

no photos of me…no tears…no traces of a road heartache…just a plain case of waking up (cooking for hubby's baon and preparing for work) and having a very unbearable sleeping symptom! i feel like floating in mid-air! no make that top-air! i am up there…my mind, that is. my body i left trying to figure out the difference between sleeping with eyes open and with eyes closed but without anyone hardly noticing the effect. oh jeez…i dunno what happened last night that made me wake up a mess. okay, hubby and i slept around 1 am…i woke earlier than him at 8 am…in between that is 7 hours of sleep…hmmm…oh okay, i get it!!!

my body is no longer used to sleeping more than 4 hours everyday! and today is a monday! i am not supposed to be in the office (monday-kaya-absent-si-Luisa habit) today. that's why! my body is not used to that combination! hay! i wish i could just wind back 10 hours ago and just decided not to come to the office. maybe i would have felt better…he he he…

oh well, writing about this is just another excuse for me not to really hate this day. we started out bad during that traffic at Moonwalk due to the pipe-laying activity of Manila Water. darn it! and to top it all, we stopped because Patrik was out of gas, and we started another subtraffic a few meters from the previously mentioned havoc! i really hate it when things like these happen! it's as if…oooh! 1 - 2 - 3…hummm!

anyways, i thought we were OK! then after we exited Multinational, we almost hit the Innova in front of us because the driver of that car stopped…he just stopped dead before the green light of the traffic light. oh well, maybe it was similar to our case earlier…but that made me blurt out a curse, which made the hubby shout at me and then poof! the supposedly good day was thrown over to the nearest garbage can.

hate it! really!

i am supposed to get home at 9:15 tonight…i will be meeting the hubby half way…i hope this day ends with a goodnight sleep after our hug time…oh well…

a series of UN-fortunate musings

i came across my other blog (or so my attempt to start a blog), and i got this series of rantings…i think i might as well post them here because even on a Valentine's day i feel like posting whatchamacalits of these sorts. don't ask me why. i am not un-in love…hehehe…i just feel like giving these notions some space here. how unapproriate? never mind. just read on…

where the hell is Peter Pan?!?

ha!

and so i said the name again!!! the name i so long wanted to say to the person owning it…to just call him…and eventually fly with him off to Neverland. who cares if people think i'm too old for this…i still scream "Where is Peter Pan?!?!"

why hasn't he come visit me…take me off to do his spring cleaning…or just be there in his Neverland and forget all the worries of this *^(#*!^!) world…it's just so frustrating!!! this world that has become somehow bitter to the likes of me…not that i'm anguishing for the sake of others…or myself…i just wanted to say that…to add drama…to be melancholy…

ha!

i guess i'm half loony…half weird…never a whole! just a part of something…hehehe…no coherence…darn it! why am i losing my muse? why am i losing my other self? why? is this the consequence of growing up? dwelling in the realm of the 20 somethings? a crisis is threatening me…threatening to steal my sanity from me…

heck!

i need a dose of periwinkle dust…with one happy thought (if i can manage to have one)…and off i go…but where the hell is Peter Pan?

 

No matter what anybody tells you,  words and ideas can change the world.

Keating

i write

i used write for the mere reason of putting something on paper/wall…i am a vandal (my mom used to call me that)…i like to write. my mom would even hide pencils, ballpens, or any medium of writing lest i write on our walls. so there's my passion for writing, literally.

now i write for many reasons. i write to convey emotions. different sorts. i write to remember something. i write to document something. i write…it's nice to know i am a little gifted on this. gifted? really, i don't know. i could weave stories to keep myself from troubles…those are my white lies. but to weave stories for telling and entertainment is not really a forte…i don't even know if my writings show them. i just write…am i already talking nonsense? ahum! and ahum!

i am a "batang kalye"…lived a life of young girl exposed to different plays of the streets. i love the 1980s…those are my childhood years…colorful era filled with character. i love everything in that time, all except for the clothing fashion. hahahaha! those padded tops!!! my whole being was formed by that era…i could still remember the shows and their theme songs, the movies, and almost everything in show biz…now that makes me a "jolog"…

things were a lot different when i was still a child…different altogether from what my daughter will see today. even araneta center was a lot different! even my neighbors are different…there are no more "batang kalye" who enjoy a good play of Chinese garter, piko, sipa, taguang base, and shatu. kids nowadays are so into the "network games"…whatever happened to the values taught by Filipino games?!? i do not know…maybe i'll ask around…

ahum! ahum!

i used to wake up to the chismis of our neighbors…the sun shone much better before in the mornings…today i no longer witness the rising of the sun…when night makes way for the sun…oh how i missed those days i used to spend by our window watching the sunrise…and the significance of full moon in my life: patintero!

are they really all gone? i hope not…i hope that in some far away barrio, kids still aren't corrupted by technology…that they still get to enjoy their childhood as i did…

ahum…ahum…

 

so here i am, a victim of my own choices.

…and i am just starting!

Ally MacBeal

que sera, que sera

I used to think that the world is cruel and that the God that created the whole of humanity is also cruel…I am in some ways right…but the cruelty of it all is refining…defining the very human in me…making me strong…without realizing at first that all the hardships were cleansing tools for my soul…to prevent me from reaching the depths of fire and anguish.

i realize that each day a new set of trials comes my way…it's frustrating…it is not anything pleasing at all…yet, my sanity is still intact. how i managed? i don't know…i just say my thanks that I am still me…that the sun still shines and sets…that my baby recognizes her mother…that the sky is blue…thanksgiving for the simple things that surround me and will continue to be there even if I no longer exist.

there are times, however, when i feel like quitting…when i felt the world is just to heavy to be carried alone…when i felt like throwing everything in the dumps and just escape somewhere else…glad i didn't…glad i controlled the urge to do so…the very depths of my soul screaming for salvation while my body trembles with fear, yet my mind keeps its foot on solid ground…thanks for my mind…still working in its proper gears.

many discover the easy way out…leaving in a shot of a gun, the knot of a rope, and the splash of water…i would not resort to any of those…too painful…too morbid…rather find a hard way out…at least i can give salvation to my poor soul…ease my trembling body…keep my mind thinking straight…

all these thoughts…all these musings…where will they lead me? to writing of course…that's where i end up most of the time…putting thoughts into something not tangible yet absorbed by anyone…i write…i think…i write again…

dekada 80! o asan ka na?

 

Suka toyo, kaya gawing bomba
Lumang tubo, kayang gawing bazooka
Lumang bumbilya nagagawang granada
Wala pa ring tatalo kay McGyver
Ultimate problem solver

 

Kiko Machine

ano ba ang meron sa 80s? ano ang meron sa panahong nauso ang New Wave? naka-tis na hair? at padded blouse? lahat ng interesanteng bagay meron sa panahon na yun. (at syempre pinanganak ako sa unang bahagi ng dekadang yun!)

kung tutuusin dapat wala ako masyadong alam nun. kasi nung mga panahong nakikita ko na namumutaktak sa spray net ang buhok ng ate ko, nasa kinder pa lang ako nun. nasa grade 4 naman sya. pero sa di maipaliwanag na dahilan, ang aking buhay ay napuno ng alaala nina Boy George, Prince, Michael J. Fox, Jackie Chan, atbp. kaya nga pwede na kami mag-champion (sana) ni Badet kung sakaling tinuloy namin ang pagsali sa Jologs Quiz Show ng Engg Week. tama! oo na…jologs na ako kasi kahit mga OST ng pinoy films ng era na yun alam ko.

gaya ng OST ng Inday Bote (starring Maricel Soriano) na may nakakaaliw na linyang gaya nito:

 

ako si Inday Bote, kumakain kahit butete!

o kaya ng Mga Kwento ni Lola Basyang (dun sa last episode na pinagtatambalan nina Tirso Cruz III at Nora Aunor, cute pa nun si Chuckie Dreyfus):

 

…kung mayroong pag-ibig, walang hindi magagawa

dahil sa pag-ibig mundo'y napapakanta…

kahit na anong kaalaman, kahit na anong yaman

pag-ibig ang kailangan kung gusto mo ng himala!

o di ba? he he he…

pwede mo rin akong gawing juke box. gagayahin ko ang boses ni Sheryl Cruz para sa'yo. kung yan ang makapagpapaligaya ng araw mo. ewan ko kung matutuwa ako, pero ika ng ng isa sa mga suking tagapakinig ko, wag nya lang makikita na ako yung kumakanta iisipin nga nyang si Sheryl Cruz yun! ayus di ba? pati na rin si Zsa Zsa isama nyo na.

hay! yan siguro ang nagagawa ng walang humpay na pagsubaybay sa programang tsismisan ni Ate Luds (aka Inday Badiday) sa AM radio kung saan pinapatugtog ang version nina Janice at Aga ng "Moments of Love" at ang version ni Gabby at Sharon ng "Come What May"…he he he…

sa gabi naman katatakutan mula sa GABI ng LAGIM ang maririnig mo pagnilipat mo sa AM (DZRH sais trenta) ang dating istasyon ng 93.9 KC FM (ngayon ata i! FM na yun).

isa pang patok sa mga magulang naman natin ang "MAGTONING muna tayo" ni Johnny Midnight! he he he…alas dose ng gabi yun…isang healing session na gamit ang TONING water! asus!

at syempre ang walang kamatayang linya ni ng inyong Tiya Deli!

isa nga lang sa hindi ko malilimutang bahagi ng buhay ko na yan ang aking pagiging batang kalye…oo lumaki ako sa pakikisalamuha sa kapwa kong bata sa isang kalsada sa Cubao. pero limitado nga lang yun kasi kelangan ko matulog tuwing hapon (gigising para manuod ng BATIBOT) at hanggang alas singko lang ako pwede maglaro sa labas (kung hindi WHAPAK!).

usong uso ang mga larong Chinese garter (ewan kung galing ng China yung garter sa tahian ng nanay ko), luksong tinik at luksong baka, tumbang preso, patintero (patotot in!), agawang base, 10 - 20, syato, sipa, piko, at kung anu-ano pang may panahon din ng kausuhan. may season kasi na uso ang goma, ang teks (mga eksena pa sa pelikula ang nasa teks noon), and tansan!

ayan! namimiss ko na maglaro ng mag yun! wala na kasi akong batang nahuhumaling sa teks na dati sa panahon ko si Boy Negro ang bida. wala nang bumibili ng goma sa tindahan ni Aling Mameng para maglaro ng Chinese garter. O kaya manghingi ng tansan ng beer para may gamiting pamato. iba na kasi ang hilig ng bata ngayon. di tulad dati. mas mahal ang pinagkukunan ng kaligayahan ng bata ngayon.

sana nanatili ang ibang bahagi ng dekada 80 sa panahon natin ngayon. mas simple. mayaman lang ang merong atari noon.

sana…

Look! There’s a hair in your bird (a continuation)

 

some things are true whether you believe in them or not…

City of Angels

the introvert in me

i used to and i still do believe that i am an introvert, although i get protests when i claim this. a lot of protests by the way. the only agreement i get is through horoscopes telling me that Pisceans are introverts. ha ha ha!!!

i don't know really, but people seem to see me in a funny way always. i mean, can't they expect me to be serious sometimes, if not, all the time? i think it is very hard for them to see the other side of me. the one who would choose to keep my own company. who would enjoy staying inside my room to do things that would occupy my time, like reading, scrapbooking,and cutting. or cruising off to some place where there's green grass and lots of good views. hmmm…that gets me to thinking at times. if ever i do change my usual outside self, would people believe in what i say without asking me first if it's a joke or not? maybe. that i couldn't tell. they are so used to me beeing all goofy and crazy. maybe they can make themselves un-used to this. maybe they can open up and allow themselves to admit that i really am an introvert, at times. i couldn't argue much. i guess i've pretty made my point clear here: i may look stupid and crazy and hyper all the time, but there are sides to a square and facets to a cube. did you get my point? ha! crazy entry! next one please

who’s afraid of the big bad wolf?

 

…Because when you're scared but you still do it anyway, that's BRAVE…

Coraline (Neil Gaiman)

i fear cockroaches, but they have nothing to do with this entry. i just want you to know that. so in case you see me and you have a cockroach in your pocket, please (please lang, with begging) don't show it to me. you'll kill me. instant! (that's an exageration, yes. but, i fear them so much, i could cry at the sight of them "looking" at me)

anyways, i saw that quote posted on my right. and i said, "hmmm…" he he he…i do that all the time. hmmm at things that get my interest. hmmm…

well, i guess Coraline said the truest! when one is afraid of doing something but takes the risk anyway, then that person shows bravery of the purest form. when as a child we're 100% sure the closet in our bedrooms contains mumus of all sorts  but we sleep in that room anyway, then that's 100% bravery! when entering a new school brings a lot of anxiety in us and we still continue to study there is another bravery. when going through adulthood, we fear a lot of difficulty but still we go through each day with confidence then that's bravery!

it need not be participating in fights that we become brave. what Coraline wants us to know is that facing fear itself makes us brave. and not just making people get the impression of our valor. that accepting the harsh reality and going about it instead of letting it gobble us is what matters.

simply put in a child's perspective, anyone could be brave. anyone could be a captain of his own ship. a master of his own life. oh and many more!

i am getting old

i decided to go to the office in the end, after waking later than my usual waking hours and spending the whole morning with my brother at home washing our week-old laundry after Athan left for Batangas. hay! and then around 5:30 pm, i received a text message (out of nowhere) from a dear friend…a very good friend of mine…and that virtual conversation made me ponder (i am doing this while working, yes).

and that phone conversation we had thru text had me thinking…hmmm…is there really genuine happiness in each of us? are we really that content with what we have? i guess the answer lies in our selves. no one could tell for sure if a person is happy just by asking the person or looking at the well-being of that person. well, i guess, happines is, like many other aspects of life, relative. i suppose that's the reason Einstein became popular with his law of relativity…

i have my own share of frustrations that, well, hinder being thoroughly happy with my life right now. i have a lot of things to be happy and content about, but sometimes, there's a nagging sense in me to drift from all this. crazy? maybe…i don't really know. pero it's just a phase we all go through rin.which means it is not a permanent case. what matters is that we end up finding ourselves whole and, you know, happy. i may be wanting something still, but in the end, it'll be me, ysa, and athan. it's my wholeness, us three. ang weird noh?

i just got to think about that…

again, as i told her, old age makes one sentimental.

why did i think about those thoughts? i don't know. Life sometimes is toxic. really. it gets the better of us. leaving us with…i don't know. just a portion of what we have thrived to make whole.

am i making sense or is it because this is new for me to stay late in the office? i'm going home around 10:45 tonight…and early tomorrow, i'll do some "picture snapping" at Tagaytay (my place to be). maybe i could find a nice subject…hmmm…oh well.

welcome back patrik!

matapos "ma-confine" sa casa ni Mang Junior (ang kanyang personal duktor) ng ilang araw, bumalik na uli sa kalsada si Patrik!!! mas maganda ang takbo…mas smooth…mas swabe! ayus din kahit naglabas ako ng medyo malaki-laki mula sa aming kakarampot na kaban. kahit ano basta ikaw…sana nga lang makayanan ng ating kaban ang iba mo pang mga pangangailangan (a.k.a. washover at aircon).

sa ngayon, ako'y nagagalak BUMALIK ka na!

tayo ng lumipad!!!

Look! There’s a hair in your bird: the world according to Joga

INTRODUCTION 

i am about to write about the things/events/people that have made a difference or two in my life…that made me into the joga that i am…that go around me for reasons only the BATMAN knows why. i have been meaning to come up with this for a long time…maybe the title isn't that catchy…maybe the contents not that funny…but heck, i am writing for myself. for the people who might read this and realize that they are the ones that i am talking about here. for them to see the world in my own (sometimes stupid) perspective…

there's a sky above, a land below, and there's ME in the middle…around me are the people who have mattered and will always matter…are the things that made me feel glad about being me…are the events that have turn my life upside down…together they constitute a whole new world for me to savor and explore.

welcome to the world according to a jogasaurus!

HAPPY TALK

let's begin…

with me being talkative…or is it just that people around me are so quiet that my voice gets noticed first? i don't know for sure, but i get that "very" consistent remark ever since i was 6 years old…my mom recalled that i asked her once, "Mommy, ano ang TALKATIVE?"… that started speculations around the house that i am sending my teachers out of their wits with my mouth. that's also the reason i never dared to go with my mom during PTA meetings…my teachers are just so eager to tell my mom that. and my dad always wonders why i am seated beside the door: far away from my classmates. but that didn't make me an outcast. i have friends; as a matter of fact, i have lots of friends. i also  believe that i am a bright student…my teachers tell me that, and my report cards reflect it so…but i am so maingay (and makulit), they can't help but give me a C+ for my attitude.

now, why does being talkative always get me in trouble? i could still remember that time when i was called by my former boss to his office for being so maingay. and to think that my friend only approached me to tell about her accident on the road that morning. and i was on my seat when she approached me!!! still i was the one called to be told to keep my mouth shut. hay! i am so used to this i think i could volunteer myself for every noise made in the office!

noise, according to Merriam-Webster (2004), is a loud, confused, or senseless shouting or outcry. hmmm…if i am tagged as noisy, then that means i do make senseless outcry? But i don't shout. i just have this way of talking that is slightly (yes, just slightly) above the normal volume of talking. besides, it ain't that much fun to talk in murmurs you know. it's like we're always sharing a gossip about someone. and i figured out that maybe the ears of the bosses are just so sensitive they deemed it noisy when i started talking….maybe. that is much better for my ego.

as for being talkative, i love it. really. even if it gets me into trouble most of the time. even when i get to remember being isolated in class during grade school for it. even if my college professors would give up my slot in a class for someone more quiet and attentive. even if i always get blamed for all the noisiness in the office.

it's because it makes the conversations i keep with people alive. it's because i never lose self-esteem when i am in the mood for talking. it's because i never get to hurt anyone with being talkative. its because blah, blah, blah, blah…(to fade)

i am having an (h)art attack…

minsan masarap maggupit…

ewan ko pero nakakakuha ako ng mumunting kasiyahan sa paggugupit ng kung ano-ano. ganun na daw ako maliit pa lang ako sabi ng nanay ko…minsan nga daw iniwanan nya ako ng isang dyaryo para makapaglaba sya ng walang umiiyak sa may palda nya, at wala daw akong ibang ginawa sa dyaryong iyon kundi punitin ng punitin hanggang nagkaroon ng isang tumpok ng dyaryo sa harap ko at ako ay biglang nagtatakbo sa sobrang takot sa kung ano na ang nangyari sa dyaryong kanina ay pinupunit-punit ko lang…and tanga di ba? pero ganun naman ang mga bata…may kanya-kanyang katangahan…dun sa punto ko naisip na marahil autistic ako nung maliit pa ako…kaya ganun ang gawaing nakakapagpatakbo ng mumunting oras ko…tapos siguro nahipan ako ng mabuting hangin kaya nakayanan ko makapag-aral at maging "normal" na tao…pero minsan hindi ko pa rin mapigilang umupo sa isang tabi at kumuha ng gunting at maggupit ng kung ano-anong bagay na sa tingin ko ay maganda. gaya ng ginagawa ko ngayon habang nasa opisina ako…multi-tasking pa nga eh..kasi ganito, nagsusulat ako sa blog na ito, umiinom ng kape, at higit sa lahat naggugupit ng isang lumang kalendaryong pangmesa na may magagandang bears at flowers…pwede ko itong gamitin sa scrap book ni Scout!!!

ayus din noh? kaya sa bahay namin hindi pwedeng walang gunting. samut-saring uri ng gunting! may mga art scissors na kung ano-anong shapes ang ginagawa sa mga ginupit na papel. may maliit. may malaki. mayroong ang butas ng hawakan ay hindi pantay ang laki ng bilog. may pabilog ang dulo at merong patulis! he he he…kung iisipin, marami rami na rin akong cut outs sa bahay. pero nakaayos naman sila. cut out stickers…cut out letters…cut out pictures…cut outs! dala rin yan ng pagiging OC-OC ko…TAMA! Obsessive compulsive din ako…under the category of HOARDERS! ang galing! kung susumahin, isa akong psychotic autistic! astig!

kaya nga hindi ko makuhang ma-offend pagsinasabi ng mga taong malapit sa akin na isa akong autistic…tama naman sila. nasa akin ang mga manifestations…hindi nga lang ako gradweyt ng sped. hmmm…

mahaba-haba na rin ito. at saka iba nga pala ang purpose bakit ako pumasok sa opis…may bundle nga pala akong dapat tapusin! tama! ayoko muna mag 14 hours sa opis…hindi makatarungan yun. mas mainam pang maggupit kesa magtagal sa opis ng ganun katagal at gumawa ng bundle.

minsan masarap talaga maggupit!