a series of UN-fortunate musings

i came across my other blog (or so my attempt to start a blog), and i got this series of rantings…i think i might as well post them here because even on a Valentine's day i feel like posting whatchamacalits of these sorts. don't ask me why. i am not un-in love…hehehe…i just feel like giving these notions some space here. how unapproriate? never mind. just read on…

where the hell is Peter Pan?!?

ha!

and so i said the name again!!! the name i so long wanted to say to the person owning it…to just call him…and eventually fly with him off to Neverland. who cares if people think i'm too old for this…i still scream "Where is Peter Pan?!?!"

why hasn't he come visit me…take me off to do his spring cleaning…or just be there in his Neverland and forget all the worries of this *^(#*!^!) world…it's just so frustrating!!! this world that has become somehow bitter to the likes of me…not that i'm anguishing for the sake of others…or myself…i just wanted to say that…to add drama…to be melancholy…

ha!

i guess i'm half loony…half weird…never a whole! just a part of something…hehehe…no coherence…darn it! why am i losing my muse? why am i losing my other self? why? is this the consequence of growing up? dwelling in the realm of the 20 somethings? a crisis is threatening me…threatening to steal my sanity from me…

heck!

i need a dose of periwinkle dust…with one happy thought (if i can manage to have one)…and off i go…but where the hell is Peter Pan?

 

No matter what anybody tells you,  words and ideas can change the world.

Keating

i write

i used write for the mere reason of putting something on paper/wall…i am a vandal (my mom used to call me that)…i like to write. my mom would even hide pencils, ballpens, or any medium of writing lest i write on our walls. so there's my passion for writing, literally.

now i write for many reasons. i write to convey emotions. different sorts. i write to remember something. i write to document something. i write…it's nice to know i am a little gifted on this. gifted? really, i don't know. i could weave stories to keep myself from troubles…those are my white lies. but to weave stories for telling and entertainment is not really a forte…i don't even know if my writings show them. i just write…am i already talking nonsense? ahum! and ahum!

i am a "batang kalye"…lived a life of young girl exposed to different plays of the streets. i love the 1980s…those are my childhood years…colorful era filled with character. i love everything in that time, all except for the clothing fashion. hahahaha! those padded tops!!! my whole being was formed by that era…i could still remember the shows and their theme songs, the movies, and almost everything in show biz…now that makes me a "jolog"…

things were a lot different when i was still a child…different altogether from what my daughter will see today. even araneta center was a lot different! even my neighbors are different…there are no more "batang kalye" who enjoy a good play of Chinese garter, piko, sipa, taguang base, and shatu. kids nowadays are so into the "network games"…whatever happened to the values taught by Filipino games?!? i do not know…maybe i'll ask around…

ahum! ahum!

i used to wake up to the chismis of our neighbors…the sun shone much better before in the mornings…today i no longer witness the rising of the sun…when night makes way for the sun…oh how i missed those days i used to spend by our window watching the sunrise…and the significance of full moon in my life: patintero!

are they really all gone? i hope not…i hope that in some far away barrio, kids still aren't corrupted by technology…that they still get to enjoy their childhood as i did…

ahum…ahum…

 

so here i am, a victim of my own choices.

…and i am just starting!

Ally MacBeal

que sera, que sera

I used to think that the world is cruel and that the God that created the whole of humanity is also cruel…I am in some ways right…but the cruelty of it all is refining…defining the very human in me…making me strong…without realizing at first that all the hardships were cleansing tools for my soul…to prevent me from reaching the depths of fire and anguish.

i realize that each day a new set of trials comes my way…it's frustrating…it is not anything pleasing at all…yet, my sanity is still intact. how i managed? i don't know…i just say my thanks that I am still me…that the sun still shines and sets…that my baby recognizes her mother…that the sky is blue…thanksgiving for the simple things that surround me and will continue to be there even if I no longer exist.

there are times, however, when i feel like quitting…when i felt the world is just to heavy to be carried alone…when i felt like throwing everything in the dumps and just escape somewhere else…glad i didn't…glad i controlled the urge to do so…the very depths of my soul screaming for salvation while my body trembles with fear, yet my mind keeps its foot on solid ground…thanks for my mind…still working in its proper gears.

many discover the easy way out…leaving in a shot of a gun, the knot of a rope, and the splash of water…i would not resort to any of those…too painful…too morbid…rather find a hard way out…at least i can give salvation to my poor soul…ease my trembling body…keep my mind thinking straight…

all these thoughts…all these musings…where will they lead me? to writing of course…that's where i end up most of the time…putting thoughts into something not tangible yet absorbed by anyone…i write…i think…i write again…

dekada 80! o asan ka na?

 

Suka toyo, kaya gawing bomba
Lumang tubo, kayang gawing bazooka
Lumang bumbilya nagagawang granada
Wala pa ring tatalo kay McGyver
Ultimate problem solver

 

Kiko Machine

ano ba ang meron sa 80s? ano ang meron sa panahong nauso ang New Wave? naka-tis na hair? at padded blouse? lahat ng interesanteng bagay meron sa panahon na yun. (at syempre pinanganak ako sa unang bahagi ng dekadang yun!)

kung tutuusin dapat wala ako masyadong alam nun. kasi nung mga panahong nakikita ko na namumutaktak sa spray net ang buhok ng ate ko, nasa kinder pa lang ako nun. nasa grade 4 naman sya. pero sa di maipaliwanag na dahilan, ang aking buhay ay napuno ng alaala nina Boy George, Prince, Michael J. Fox, Jackie Chan, atbp. kaya nga pwede na kami mag-champion (sana) ni Badet kung sakaling tinuloy namin ang pagsali sa Jologs Quiz Show ng Engg Week. tama! oo na…jologs na ako kasi kahit mga OST ng pinoy films ng era na yun alam ko.

gaya ng OST ng Inday Bote (starring Maricel Soriano) na may nakakaaliw na linyang gaya nito:

 

ako si Inday Bote, kumakain kahit butete!

o kaya ng Mga Kwento ni Lola Basyang (dun sa last episode na pinagtatambalan nina Tirso Cruz III at Nora Aunor, cute pa nun si Chuckie Dreyfus):

 

…kung mayroong pag-ibig, walang hindi magagawa

dahil sa pag-ibig mundo'y napapakanta…

kahit na anong kaalaman, kahit na anong yaman

pag-ibig ang kailangan kung gusto mo ng himala!

o di ba? he he he…

pwede mo rin akong gawing juke box. gagayahin ko ang boses ni Sheryl Cruz para sa'yo. kung yan ang makapagpapaligaya ng araw mo. ewan ko kung matutuwa ako, pero ika ng ng isa sa mga suking tagapakinig ko, wag nya lang makikita na ako yung kumakanta iisipin nga nyang si Sheryl Cruz yun! ayus di ba? pati na rin si Zsa Zsa isama nyo na.

hay! yan siguro ang nagagawa ng walang humpay na pagsubaybay sa programang tsismisan ni Ate Luds (aka Inday Badiday) sa AM radio kung saan pinapatugtog ang version nina Janice at Aga ng "Moments of Love" at ang version ni Gabby at Sharon ng "Come What May"…he he he…

sa gabi naman katatakutan mula sa GABI ng LAGIM ang maririnig mo pagnilipat mo sa AM (DZRH sais trenta) ang dating istasyon ng 93.9 KC FM (ngayon ata i! FM na yun).

isa pang patok sa mga magulang naman natin ang "MAGTONING muna tayo" ni Johnny Midnight! he he he…alas dose ng gabi yun…isang healing session na gamit ang TONING water! asus!

at syempre ang walang kamatayang linya ni ng inyong Tiya Deli!

isa nga lang sa hindi ko malilimutang bahagi ng buhay ko na yan ang aking pagiging batang kalye…oo lumaki ako sa pakikisalamuha sa kapwa kong bata sa isang kalsada sa Cubao. pero limitado nga lang yun kasi kelangan ko matulog tuwing hapon (gigising para manuod ng BATIBOT) at hanggang alas singko lang ako pwede maglaro sa labas (kung hindi WHAPAK!).

usong uso ang mga larong Chinese garter (ewan kung galing ng China yung garter sa tahian ng nanay ko), luksong tinik at luksong baka, tumbang preso, patintero (patotot in!), agawang base, 10 - 20, syato, sipa, piko, at kung anu-ano pang may panahon din ng kausuhan. may season kasi na uso ang goma, ang teks (mga eksena pa sa pelikula ang nasa teks noon), and tansan!

ayan! namimiss ko na maglaro ng mag yun! wala na kasi akong batang nahuhumaling sa teks na dati sa panahon ko si Boy Negro ang bida. wala nang bumibili ng goma sa tindahan ni Aling Mameng para maglaro ng Chinese garter. O kaya manghingi ng tansan ng beer para may gamiting pamato. iba na kasi ang hilig ng bata ngayon. di tulad dati. mas mahal ang pinagkukunan ng kaligayahan ng bata ngayon.

sana nanatili ang ibang bahagi ng dekada 80 sa panahon natin ngayon. mas simple. mayaman lang ang merong atari noon.

sana…